My 13 Day Ukraine Journey Back in 1993

I was preparing to post information on a blog I just discovered that appeared to be really interesting. The blog, Bizarre Food by Andrew Zimmern, is a Travel Channel blog and Andrew covers the bizarre food aspect of traveling.

But, when I started to read his latest post, A Taste of Russia, which is about his recent trip to Russia and how it went from bad to worse, I had a flashback to my trip to Ukraine in February 1993…. The 2 week adventure was one I will never forget and I have a lot of bizarre stories to share, but I’ll try to focus on just the food portion of the experience to spare you the other gory details.

First, you have to think back to 1993 and remember that the Berlin Wall hadn’t fallen that much earlier. Ukraine was in a severe depression and it’s currency was plummeting daily. Nearly everyone was out of work and things were looking bleak. Why I was there in the first place is fodder for another day….

Arrival:

I arrived at Grand Hotel, the “special” hotel for tourists, late in the day and was exhausted so dinner was one of three protein bars I had thrown into my bag at the last minute before leaving the States. After dinner I took a bath in cold water because there were no showers and the #$%*! faucet had been reversed so the C was the hot water and the H was the cold. I know, I know…, but I did check both and nothing but cold came out for nearly half a minute.

Day 1:

Morning came abruptly when the 1960’s telephone rang and nearly caused my heart to stop altogether. It was the Ukrainian-American attorney I had gone there with calling to invite me to their room for breakfast. Breakfast turned out to be a small glass of beet juice and some beets sliced up and served on small plates. Now I know beets are good for you because my mom was a farmer’s daughter, but it’s not exactly what my stomach was growling for that morning.

After a long day meeting with some students at a local university I learned that the couple I had gone with (the lawyer and his wife who were on a mission to adopt a young Ukrainian child) were going to a dinner and that I was “unfortunately” not invited. By this time I had been introduced to my interpretor and she agreed to take me on a walk through Lvov (aka Lviv), the city we were in. After two hours of checking out all of the restaurants she thought might be open, but weren’t, she found a nightclub (at my request).

The nightclub consisted of a few tables around the edge of a concrete floored basement of a building with a long line of mostly males waiting for a beer. Starving for any liquid or food I chose to wait the 30 minutes for a beer and to my surprise I had but one choice of beer and the cost in US dollar equivalent was 2 cents. It was nasty tasting and one of the worst beers I’ve ever had, but it was better then nothing at all and besides it was affordable!

Afterwards I went back to my room and ate half of one of my last two protein bars and slept.

Day 2:

Breakfast on day two was unfortunately not much different then day 1. Only this day we had some bread to go with. It went a long way towards keeping me alive that day so no complaints.

After a long day of meeting with all sorts of characters from local politicians to local businessmen (including the head of the only automobile manufacturer in Ukraine) it was time to go back to the hotel and find out what was in store for the evening.

Apparently in Russia and Ukraine it’s custom to take visitors on long drives deep into the forest to enjoy some Russian vodka while singing and dancing around a campfire. Russian vodka is made from potatoes, right? Well then, I had potatoes for dinner on day two. Oddly I don’t recall much else from that night, but I do recall being happy to reach my hotel room in one piece.

Day 3

In dire need of some Alka Seltzer or some food I could sink my teeth into I was disheartened to see the beet juice and beets adorning my plate when I met up with my fellow American travelers.

Day 3 ended with my devouring the rest of Protein bar #2.

Day 4 – 7

On the 4th day we departed Lvov and headed South to Chernovtsy. While I was excited about idea of having something new on the daily menu in the new city, I wasn’t too thrilled hear why we were going what felt like 100 miles an hour during dusk in a small, shaking, Soviet style vehicle with 4 adults weighing it down. Seems we were passing through the area where “a lot of the weapons and explosives were being smuggled” into Bosnia during the height of the war back in 1993.

The rest of the stay in Chernovtsy was fabulous. Good food, good drink, relatives of my travel buddies, and good conversation.

Day 8

Back in Lvov again. Fortunately I knew had enough food in me to keep me alive until I returned home to the States so I wasn’t too concerned. Besides there were always the beets!

Dinner was 1/3rd of the last protein bar.

Day 9

By now the previously unappreciated beet-centric breakfast was becoming something I appreciated more than any American perhaps since the Great Depression. I was, gulp, enjoying the beet juice and beets.

On this day my interpretor took me to a deli of sorts and what I remember the most was how they had spread each item they had in the very long display case about 3 feet apart from one another in a weak attempt to make the case appear full of food. The other thing I remember was how disappointed I was that I couldn’t eat anything they sold! She explained that the bacteria in the food would cause me to get very ill and that I did not want to go into a Ukrainian hospital. She didn’t have to tell me that twice.

Finally before we left the “deli” I pleaded with her to find me something I could eat and while she didn’t find any safe food for me to eat she did spot some bottles of mineral water up on a top shelf near the paint-chipped ceiling. I bought the only 4 bottles they had available.

Back in the room I settled in and turned on the TV and watched the one channel that came in. Sadly, actually very sadly, the show was “90210″ in Russian! To this day I share that bizarre moment of catching 90210 in the middle of Ukraine during their version of our Great Depression. How hard must that show have made life for parents of teens who were undoubtedly glued to their TVs watching our American teens guzzling champagne by the pool with dozens of gorgeous people clad in bikinis and bathing suits.

Even worse then the horror of watching 90210 in Russian knowing full well that Russians and Ukrainians everywhere were cursing us for pumping that garbage into their children’s heads was the absolutely putrid, rotten-eggie smell of that dang “water” I had purchased moments earlier. It was every bit as bad as water-boarding torture! But, I ended up drinking every bottle before I left… so I guess it didn’t kill me. The rest of my protein bar helped it go down.

Day 10 – 12

Aside from being focused on counting down the hours I had left before I’d be air-lifted out of there to safety I only had two more foodie relevant experiences to share:

1) On the last morning I made the huge mistake of asking why it was so easy to get beets and beet juice, but couldn’t get our hands on anything else. When they explained that the only produce they could go in a large portion of Ukraine were beets because the Chernobyl nuclear accident had made it impossible to grow anything else I didn’t know quite what to say so I didn’t. Of course with all bad news you usually have some good so it was of some comfort to know that it was quite OK to eat the beets because the bacteria problem with the other food wasn’t an issue with the beets thanks to the radiation.   : /

2) At last we arrived in New York and when I saw the Coke machine it was love at first sight. I don’t think I’ve ever guzzled a Coke like I chugged that one. At last… America. Burgers. Fries.

All in all it was a fantastic experience that changed my life to a certain extent. For one, I appreciate good food more then ever. Of course, my definition of good has come to include nearly everything!

And the beet goes on….